03 April, 2010

Clash of the Titans - Really?

***** SPOILERS ******

So went for "Clash of the Titans" today. It is a movie shitty in all respects - Dialogs (the worst), script, direction, etc etc. I am starting to hate this James Cameroon style of directing - mind-numbing action and zilch sense to the movie.

It all starts with Zeus' obsession with immortality. To pander to his obsession, he creates humans. His immortality is fuelled by human prayers. So, what he should have done is, watched Matrix and learn how they cultivate humans. But, no! He gives them intelligence and shit like that so that they can rebel against him. How stupid is that? Just make them into praying robots! Job done!

Anyway, moving on. Zeus cannot control his hormones and he does a human queen. Now the king is pissed off, but he waits 9 months to execute her, so that she can give birth. Even after that, instead of just hanging them to death, he orders them stuffed in a casket and been thrown in the ocean (so that they'll be saved by chance). After this crappery, this son is now a demi-god. And demi-Gods are foolish.

This demi-God, Perseus, cannot even wield a sword and has such amount of foolish bravery as to make you cringe. He is like "Ohh! No man has ever returned from Medusa's lair. Lets go there camping and see whether I can chop off her head. But, first I must learn to hold a sword" or or "Lets kill that mountain-sized Cracken thing that is so huge that if he comes out of his lair, it causes a Tsunami. He can destroy a city with a lash of his limb. Lets go kill him". Or what about the awesomeness of the stalker demi-god who is clearly lusted by Perseus giving him the advice "Ask only what you need to" when he is going to the witches for answers. Well duhh! he IS going to ask what he needs. You think he'll ask "My name is Khan, am I a terrorist?" WTF!

So after a slew of lameassery dialogs and needless action and worthless story, we come to the climax. The war between Perseus (demi-god) and Hades (God). You think that would be an awesome war, right? Perseus fighting an ACTUAL God. How awesome! no? Lame actually. Perseus hurls a sword at him. Hades, considering he is God, cannot even dodge it and goes back undeground. How lame. The scene ends in two seconds!

Special mention to Perseus' dialog to Andromeda "I can serve you better as a man". What fantasies!! Also, after Perseus makes a show of his bravery, Zeus offers him a place in Heaven (or wherever the hell he lives). But, Perseus refuses and Zeus is like "You're my son dude". Then he makes a HOTTTT demi-god appear from thin air and leaves her with Perseus. What an awesome father he is! I would do anything to have Zeus as a father :-P

The only scene I liked was the fight in Medusa's lair. Nice action. Baki its a crap movie. Don't waste your time :-)


Praj ~ said...

I almost wasted whole time of the movie checking whether each scene looks good in 3d or 2d..

FrostBite said...

Thanks for the post.....saved a whole lot of trouble downloading it....

Indrani said...

LOL... kasala bhari lihila aahes :P