Chasing an illusion.....

In the haze of depression,
I had an enlightening vision.
Shaken back to reality, I realised
I was just chasing an illusion

let Conscience be your mirror....

A war raging inside me,
A battle everyday.
How can I face thee,
I lose to myself each day.

Beginning of the end.....

I've canceled out 6 beginnings and I still don't have words to write this post....

The last 4 years was a pleasant journey... I've learnt so much. I've met people who have changed the way I act, the way I think and the way I am. PICT is probably the best thing that happened to me.

I've seen people wasting their life in vella and others wasting their life in over-dedication... I've met the breed of "politicians" and others so good at heart, that you are simply amazed... people who crib about "what they are doing here" and others who still manage to find time to do what they like... people who have been ignored all their lives, yet bear that radiant smile!... people who inspite of all the mockery hurled at them, still have that zest to learn, still keep trying.... people whose silence you can hear louder than anything else!...
This place is NOT a factory of bookish-geeks. I've seen people doing so many different things that sometimes I find myself wondering - where to am I leading myself.

But its not just about the students... without our project guide, BE would have been just another year... now thankfully, I know what I want to do. No one could have done it better than him. Someday, I'd like to be him.
However depressing, frustrating these past few months were, in hindsight, this was the best period of my life and I want to live it all over again. Probably I can live it better this time.


Finally, I've had friends that I absolutely adore!.... its not just about the friendship but what kind of a person they are!... I've never felt so much of a positive energy around me. Someday, i'd like to be them.

And finally as I come to my senses, I realize that I set out to write about how the project era has affected me, but, ended up writing this. Anyways, I really adore all of you guys. I had the best time over here, and am pretty sure this is NOT the end.... it can't be...

Words sting. The lack of them sting deeper.

There are situations when you just cannot think... no matter how direct the hints are, you always assume the worst case (may be he didn't like it and he said xyz for totally different reasons?? or may be she meant it as friends and I took it the other way?)... there are times when you need confirmation, reassurance... not just hints, but plain crude facts. And when they don't come, it is depressing and annoying and irritating and disturbing and getting to your nerves.


I always thought words would be the poorest form of communication, but now I see they have their own place. They are as important as others are.... Silence is golden, but when applied to the wrong places it can be as disastrous as it is useful.

Switched back to Suse

forget the Suse being microsoft-ed thing.... as of today, suse works for me !!:)

Well. it isn't that ubuntu isn't great... only that getting the developement environment to work for you is *very* tough .... and i don't have that kind of time at my disposal... so sadly, have to switch back to beloved suse!!

may be i'll go back to ubuntu after the project!!....

Switched to Ubuntu

After a long time using suse... finally switched to another distro : Ubuntu

Not that anything is wrong with suse (except that it going to be Microsoft-ed), the reasons were entirely project related.

Now that I am using Ubuntu...here is a brief review
The look and feel is really grand... very easy to use.. you no longer have to care about the horrendous dependency problems and unsupported file formats... Ubuntu automatically downloads support for them when you try to run them!!.... no need to search frantically on all repositories:) ....

On the other hand,
Ubuntu dosen't have a GUI for dial-up connections... so you have to use the terminal to connect to the net.. also, it is not as customisable as suse... the arrangement of menus leaves more to be desired...

all-in-all... if you are only an end-user.. Ubuntu is nice, just that you'll take time to get the hang of it.... but once you do, it is really really really cool... and with compis installed, its time to say adios to Windows!

A typical day in-between the exams

YES YES... my secrets revealed :P:D.. here goes ==>

set the alarm clock to 5:30 am ...
wake up at 5:30am... yawn as if someone was going to shove a 10m round pipe into ur mouth... set the alarm to 6:15am ... go back to sleep

wake up at 6:15am.. don't care about the next alarm... go back to sleep

wake up (finally) at around 7:00 bitching urself and ur laziness

waste half-an-hour reading the newspaper anyway... and another half just staring in void

clean urself and eat something hurriedly....

think : 10 min to 9:00 ... i'd better check out orkut and yahoo in 10 min ...

9:30am... mom shouts from the kitchen and I realise what time it is ... don't shut down the PC ... finally start studying

after each 5 min... yawn and see if there's some nice/hot song playing on any of the TV channels..

sigh! and bitch the censor board... check orkut and yahoo to see if anyone's there... sigh! and bitch everyone for not wasting time and studying (except probably prajya :D)

1:00 : lunch ... go to sleep.. wake up at 3:00 ...

not in my senses... so check orkut and yahoo for an hour ....

4:00: study.. ass on fire.. so some serious study upto 7:00

7:00 ... finally make urself believe that u have worked very hard today and that u *deserve* a break

check orkut and yahoo .... go for a nice walk ... return 8:30
watch "asambhav" ... discuss whats goin to happen next ... time : 9:30pm

call up someone just like this or check orkut and yahoo ...

mom says one should not study at night... so check if there's some nice/hot movie on any of the channels... again bitch the censor board!....

set alarm to 5:30am... go to sleep!!